Dare to Dream

"Jabse tumne pyar ko samjha hai, pyar ko jana hai ... sirf us hi se pyar kiya hai

(Ever since you have understood love, known love ... you've only loved him)

The rain poured steadily outside. She had seen this movie umpteen number of times, yet she never missed any chance to re-watch it. The new year had brought forward with it new problems. She craved a fresh beginning. The rain drops painted pictures on the large glass window. She frosted the glass with her breath and drew hearts and stars in it. 

"Sometimes I think of what life was like before it got complicated?" she thought to herself.

Her dreams were larger than life. She had mapped out her whole life when she was just seven. She wanted to go to Oxford. She wanted to make it big in life. She had just begun to realise her dreams and then one day it all came to a halt.

"I don't think she has much time" he said.

She was struggling with her studies and friends. Staying in the hostel isn't easy, careless as she was it made it even more difficult. With the severe winters and the approaching exam she thought the stress gave her a mild breathing problem. 

"It's nothing much."  she thought, "It'll be fine by tomorrow."

However, it wasn't going to get fine ever, something she hadn't thought was possible. Her life had just begun. She had just taken the first tiny step towards her dream. She wrote her exams and headed home. A trip she would never forget. She got off the train and took in a breath of the fresh chilly mountain air. Her chest hurt a little.

"It's cold and I must have slept awkwardly." she dismissed.

Picking up her baggage and her guitar she climbed the flight of stairs leading to the footover bridge. Exiting the Railway Station she hailed an auto. After bargaining and still settling for thrice the actual amount she got in and headed home.

"Madam ji, Thand hai. Flap khol de kya. (It is cold. Should I unfurl the protective sheet)" asked the auto driver.

"Nahi daar ji, Iss thandi hawa mein hi toh saara maza hai. (No sardaar ji. It is this cool breeze that renders this morning so beautiful)" she dismissed.

The cold breeze hit her face, bringing tears to her eyes. Her skin had turned pale with the cold. Her hair kissed her face, occasionally it caressed her cheek. The pain in her chest grew, yet the cold outside numbed her. Her house was fifteen minutes from the station.

"I'm Home. Open the door mamma. Look your super crazy,super talented daughter is here," she screamed loud enough to wake up the whole colony.

The door opened. It was too early for anyone to have woken up. Her mother still in her night clothes welcomed her with tears of joy.

"Sit Naina, I'll get you some warm  sweat tea."

"NO mamma, You know I don't eat anything till after I shower and I haven't even brushed yet."

"The geyser is on. Go shower up."

"and you mamma dearest get back to bed, I'll sleep for a few hours more."

She turned on the shower. Letting the warm streams of water run down her hair and body. The water mingled with her tears. The pain was excruciating.  She didn't want to work her  mother up and hence told her nothing about it. She got out of the shower and went straight to bed.

It wasn't till later that afternoon that she realised she was pretty messed up. She had just woken up and walked out to sit in the warm lazy  mid day sun when she realised she was getting a blackout. She often got these and thought they were because of some sort of weakness. It generally lasted a  few seconds. But not this time,she felt dizzy and light on her feet. It was like she was sinking in sand. Naina called out to her mother.

"I feel dizzy maa. Hold me."

"Naina. Naina? What happened?

"Just a Blackout, It'll pass."

"Can you walk a little, Let's go inside. Lie down."

"Hmm..."

She had barely taken two steps than she sank to the ground. She had passed out. Her mother tried in vain to restore her for a good 5 minutes before rushing her to the nearest hospital, where she regained consciousness after a full thirty minutes.

"Doctor, what is the matter with my daughter."

"Has she ever had any such incidents before, fainting? dizziness? blackouts?"

"She would blackout often but we thought it was because of a low hemoglobin."

"No. She has a rare heart condition. I don't think she has much time. A few years maximum. I'm Sorry."

*-*-*

She sulked, angry with god, angry at her destiny.

"He only tries me all the time. All the sorrow of the world is in my share only. I cant experience even a single moment of happiness."

She went for her regular weekly check up to the hospital. On her second trip she met a girl of seven. She was dressed like a little bull fighter from Mexico, high boots, a scarf around her head and a round hat. She came and sat next to her with her parents waiting to be called in to meet the doctor.

"Hi, I'm Sneha."

Neha was perturbed, she was way to upset to be abruptly addressed by a random person that too in the hospital. But the cheerful voice and innocent smile forced her into replying.

"Hi, I'm Naina."

"Are you unwell too?"

"Yes." Naina looked away

  The conversation ended abruptly. Naina glanced at the mother, her eyes were bloodshot and there was a swelling under them.

"Don't worry,she'll get better." said Naina though she didn't believe a single word she said.

The mother of the child just smiled. Sneha's name was called and they went into the cabinet. Naina saw Sneha exit and walk upto her.

"Where are your parents Sneha?"

"Doctor Uncle wanted to talk to them. Which class are you in?"

Naina giggled, "I'm in college. I'll start working soon."

"You know I want to be a scientist and I pray to god everyday to make me one."

"Wow. All the best with that Sneha."

"Thank you.", she said playing with her doll's hair, "God already heard my prayer."

Naina was a little confused now, "Did he?"

"Yes I wanted to go to space and mummy says I don't need to wait till I grow up to go to space. God will call me soon, when I'm ready. I've already packed my clothes and dolls  to take with me."

* * *

The hearts and stars she drew, slowly faded out. The stars reminded her of Sneha. Sneha was dying but Naina she was already dead. Her dreams, her fighting spirit, her soul were dead.

"hum ek bar jeetey hai, ek bar martey hai aur pyaar wo bhi ek hi bar hota hai..."

"(We get life once, we die  only once, and Love also happens once in a lifetime)"

"What Nonsense, Rahul fell in love twice. Then how can he say we fall in love only once?" protested Naina.

Ever since she knew what love is, her only love had been her writing. A pretty face attracts many followers. It was true in her case. Many boys liked her, and many left her hurt and hateful.  She never could trust anyone completely for she knew she would always be misunderstood. And now with  every passing breath she was moving closer to her end. Destiny had taken away from her the one thing she truly loved... Her Writing.

It was the first rain of the season and she was reminded of her younger days when no amount of scolding could keep her indoors. She would get drenched to the core in such torrential rains. Her courtyard outside had ankle deep water. An unknown force drew her to the courtyard, she stepped out slowly. The water was ice cold, perhaps it was snowing in the hills. The cold  drops of water stung her face,  they hit her chest right where it hurt. The rain drops soothed her pain. She felt the burden lift off her shoulders. Just like the clouds had shed their water, her pain was shed too. The sky was lit brightly and there was a rainbow right over her. Like an epiphany, she suddenly smiled. She took out her scooty and drove to the hospital, Sneha would be there.

She had just entered the hospital when she saw Sneha's mother. 

"Hello Aunty, is Sneha in the room? How is she?

Naina had heard that chemotherapy was a painful proceedure, but Sneha was a brave child. She endured the pain and always came out smiling. Naina often wondered how could a childof such tender age be so mature in her outlook. Naina had got Sneha a doll, her favourite doll from her childhood collection. She wanted Sneha to have it.

"Yes Naina, She is in her room. She is rested."

Naina did not quite understand. She went into Sneha's room. The little angel was lying there her eyes lightly shut, an angelic smile on her face.

"She is not with us any longer Naina." her mother was standing in the door tears in her eyes. "Her suffering here has come to an end. She is in a much better place."

Naina was too stunned to say anything.

"You know Naina right before she breath her last she said to me, mamma, Naina didi will come, she's very sad because she and god had a fight. When she comes I want you to give her this..." said Sneha's mother handing her a picture.

It was a drawing, a drawing made in a very shaky hand. Sneha must have been in a lot of pain when she drew it. It was a drawing of a night sky, it had stars and planets and a moon. On that moon was a girl "Naina didi" and below it all were three words

"DARE TO DREAM"